We recently had the Dungeon Bar hired out for a private spanking party and after asking if I could pull a Louis Theroux and bagging myself a seat to stay and watch it got me thinking and I thought I would share some info, tips and ideas all about how, why and when I think we spank.
|Glitter, spanking, shoes...these are a few of my favourite things.|
|Do your research!|
Common methods include hand, paddles, floggers and canes. Lots of positions are used and work well for this, straight over the knee for that naughty school boy/girl feel or strapping them down on a spanking bench to increase the feelings of helplessness. Before you begin you should communicate fully with each other, soberly and honestly.
Examples of some things to talk about before you start could be:
*What sort of pain does the spankee like?
*How long can they usually endure?
*Are they looking to be pushed or just try it out?
*What do you both like about it or like about the idea of it?
*Do they mind being marked or like it?
DON'T FORGET THE SAFE WORD - but even with the safe word the spanker should be on watch for body language cues as well as verbal...sometimes when someone is lost in play they may forget or get too lost to use their safe word...they may even feel like they can't say it for one reason or another. The best way to stop this is by communicating first and checking in during play. A great way to do this is to number their experience...get them to tell you at different points what level the pain is at. You want to start at a 1 and work your way up, making sure the bum is nice, pink and warm before you take it to the next level...aim to peak at 8/9 (but this is something you can discuss before hand) and work your way back down...soothing as you go.
The spankee may start experiencing sub space so after the play you need to focus on aftercare. I will be writing separate blog posts on both of these subjects but make sure you research them before you start your journey into BDSM. It's important to remember that sub drop may not just occur straight after the play but may hit a few days later so keep lines of communication open and be there for each other. Take care of any wounds, wobbles or worries.
|Don't forget the after care!|
Like with anything in life the reasons people like to spank and be spanked are wide and varied. From the physical (the blood flow to the pelvic floor and erogenous zones on and around the genitals and buttocks) the chemical (the natural pain killing and happy chemicals and adrenaline that our bodies dose us up with when experiencing pain) to the psychological (the eroticisation of trauma, the thrill of breaking taboos, the power of domination/submission or Freudian authoritarian lust, the lists go on and on and it was of no surprise to me that the spanking party consisted mainly of men in their 60s who had been spanked for punishment at school and home as a child and another reason why role play can be not only fun but also theraputic) it would be hard for me to explain each one in depth so I encourage you to do your own research.
|Acting out past trauma in a controlled, safe and loving environment can be hugely therapeutic|
...as ever communication before hand is key and play it safe!
Spanking like most of BDSM practices (in my opinion) should be a game. Don't spank to repair a relationship or row, don't use it as a punishment for anything that has actually upset you or as a way to punish yourself. As always safe sane and consensual is a must!
I will go into some of these points in more detail in their own blog post, let me know what you love about spanking in the comments section...and yes, I did just learn how to embed gifs :D
Kitten Skye x